There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize