I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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