I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
