Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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