I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
