I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
