I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
