i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
