Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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