You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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