just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
