No stitches, just platelets and will power
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
