If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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