i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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