Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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