you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I want a musical about memes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
