Can i not drive my cunt home
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
