I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
