I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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