today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize