i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize