we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there was a trapeze. enough said
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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