The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
