apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
