if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
