the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
