I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
