i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
