dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
