Do you still have your period?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
