Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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