break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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