I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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