I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
