Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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