I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
