Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize