it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
