Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
