we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
