next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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