There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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