i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
