You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
