Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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