it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
