Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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