Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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