They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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