she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
