i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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