Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
