i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
