Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was CRYING into my vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
