I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
