what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
