My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
