why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
