Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
