so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
