Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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