anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
