my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
