To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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