I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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