he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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