I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How external is "for external use only"?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
