I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
