I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
