3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
