I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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