weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize