I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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