worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
