i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
